Scared

I'm scared of a lot of things. But, right now I'm thinking of how I am scared to have kids and watch them grow up and leave. I'm growing up fast, and sometimes and I stop and think about how my mother feels. I bet she's sad and doesn't exactly love the fact that I'm growing up so fast. It makes me sad to think she is sad. I do want kids though, there is no doubt about that. I'm just a little scared to deal with them growing up and leaving me all old and ugly.
Those are my thoughts for the night.

Army

Well, it's official. Matt is part of the army now. He leaves for his boot camp / training in March. He will be gone 6 long months. Half a year. I still can't wrap my head around it. What will I do while he's gone? I suppose I should come up with a few things to keep me busy while he's gone. Between the emails, letters, and care packages I will only have school work and regular work to keep me occupied. Hopefully they do the trick. My last 2 semesters at FCC should be keeping me extremely busy, but we'll see if they actually do  or  not. I suppose I could start up a workout routine. I should do that, and I hope I do. It would be nice to be in good shape since Matt will be coming home in excellent shape. It makes me sad to think about him leaving, but I know it is for the best. He's happy, and that's all that matters. After I finish college I will of course be going to wherever he is, maybe it will be a different country! Wouldn't that be cool? Being a teacher should give me plenty of job opportunities wherever I go. We'll always need teachers (I hope). I'm so proud of Matt, he's such an awesome person. He is going to be working with communication stuff. Like satellite communication wherever he is deployed to. I think that's a great job and it's going to do him well in the long run. I'm happy and sad at the same time. I'm happy for now because he's home. Especially happy that he will be home for Christmas. But, I know I will be sad when he leave and I'm scared of what my feelings will do to me when that time comes. I'm a strong person, but I do rely a great bit on Matt. He's my best friend, and it will be terribly hard to be away from him for so long. I won't be able to kiss him for 6 months. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?! Ahhh. This is my life now and I am going to get used to it. I'd do anything for Matt, and I will do anything for Matt. Simple as that.

Eat, Pray, Love

Have you ever seen the movie Eat, Pray, Love? Or read the book? I've only seen the movie. Last week was my first time watching. I had never thought it would be a good movie when it came out, I didn't really like Julia Roberts. To much surprise I have found that I am completely in love with this movie! The movie made me happy, and sad while I watched- and those are the best movies. Her life was hard, yet beautiful at the same time. She was a messed up woman, she got divorced, had a fling with a younger man, and traveled the world. It was truly wonderful to watch, and I'd very much like to own it. We will see what Christmas brings :)

What did I do on my birthday?

Well, my birthday is officially over. And let me say it was definitely one to remember.  My day began well, I dressed all nice in a light wash pair of skinny jeans, a black rippled shirt, a grey sweater matched with a black belt, and to tie it all together my grey and black vans. It was a rainy day so I left my hair in its curly state. My makeup looked as good as it was going to get and I was ready to take on the day. School went well, my classes were.. well it was school, so what do you expect? On my break between classes I opened my presents from Matt. He was very thoughtful in his presents and it meant a lot; he really noticed stuff I had been pointing out in the store. After my last class Julie and I headed off to the mall. There I got my cartilage pierced (picture below), and had a bra fitting - found out I went up a size .. cool! Then we headed back to her car and I opened her presents, also very well thought through. They were all great. Matt then picked me up from the mall and we headed off to dinner. Panera bread was my choice, where I got my usual - half a tuna sandwich and a salad. After our dinner date we were off to a concert! My first concert in fact! Primus 3D. The music was great - I really enjoy the band. I could have done without the moshing and pushing though. We ate, once again, and I hop before heading home. I was pooped and immediately fell asleep. That leads me to this morning. Matt and I headed out the door again, but this time to downtown Frederick. Remember that tattoo appointment I had? Well today was the day! I walked in around 12:20 and had to wait till closer to 1 to actually begin the process. I laid down on the table, grabbed tight on Matt's hand and held my breath through the pain. It wasn't too bad, but definitely not the pain I was expecting. (I will also include a pic below). It turned out great and I love it so much! Now I'm laying in bed in a pair of silky pj's that Matt got me. I have tests tomorrow so I better go. Goodnight!

Big sister

My baby sister is out on a date RIGHT NOW. It's weird! She's not even a baby. She's not even a baby, she's 16. I was dating by 16, so it's normal for her to. She didn't even tell me about it! I can't blame her. I'm not there a lot, and we're not the closest of sisters. We're still in the fighting and arguing stage. It'll probably take a while to get out of that. I hope she tells me stuff like this from now on though. I asked her to give me details when she gets back. We'll see if she does. I wish we were closer. I'm pretty protective, I didn't like the idea of her dating before, but now I just want her happy and more occupied. She's too into her school work, she never gives it a break. She needs to enjoy her freedom years while she still can. I think she's home now!

Published?!

Yesterday I received my poetry portfolio back from my Creative Writing professor. I received an A on the over all project, but that's nothing too special. The big thing to me was that on the grading sheet he circled one of my poems and said that it should be published. Maybe this isn't a big deal, but it totally is to me. What's even better is that it was a poem I had written almost a year ago. I didn't alter it or add anything to it. It was raw, and personal, and he thinks it's publishing material. I'm just proud of myself. I always wonder if I'm actually good at what I love or if I just love it. It feels amazing to see that I'm actually good at what I love. Also, I definitely will be having the poem published.

No more help needed.

I found a name. Both Lindsey and I agreed on the name nașă (Na-sha). It is Romanian for Godmother. Since I am Aubrey's Godmother, it works perfectly. I can't wait till Aubrey is walking around calling me nașă! Did I mention she took her first steps the other day? SHE DID! It's so crazy to watch people grow up.   Just yesterday Lindsey had a huge ball under her shirt with little Aubrey inside. I can't believe she's already starting to walk. Time really does fly.